• This Just In
  • Posts
  • Long-distance newlyweds: what I learned and what I'd change

Long-distance newlyweds: what I learned and what I'd change

Valentine’s Day reflections.

Author

Jeannette Reyes
February 13, 2025


Hey friend,

Happy Valentine's Week! ❤️ As I'm surrounded by flowers and heart-shaped chocolates, I'm taking a moment to reflect on my almost-a-decade-long journey with my husband, Robert. It's kinda surreal to think that we've actually spent more time apart than together. 

Robert and I dated for three years before tying the knot, and we were practically inseparable. But my move to Philly, just two months before our wedding, marked the beginning of 4.5 years of commuting back and forth to DC every weekend. Yes, for real—4.5 years! It was definitely a challenging time. Working opposite shifts meant our hellos were often rushed as one of us dashed off to work, and our goodbyes were always bittersweet.

We were so tired when we saw each other, and because of that, we were often irritable. We’d try to discuss touchy topics when we were together, but that proved to be a horrible idea every time. To be honest, I was pretty depressed most of my time in Philly; I really hated the long distance, and it was hard to make friends. But it did wonders for my career—it was one of the top stations in the country! So even when my contract came up three years in, I renewed.

But you know what? This time apart taught Robert and me some seriously invaluable lessons about love and commitment. I also learned that I struggle with being vulnerable (and that it made things much more difficult in our marriage than they should've been).

Here are a few more key takeaways that have fortified our bond:

  • 🗣️ Counseling can be proactive: Don't wait for a crisis to hit before going to marriage counseling. It’s such a great tool to level-up your communication and conflict resolution skills. It's all about teamwork, and making sure you're both ready to handle whatever life throws at you. 

  • ⏳ Quality > quantity: Back then, our dates were rare but rich—every minute of our 48-hour visits was precious. This taught us that it's not about being together 24/7, but making the most of the time you do have.

  • 👯‍♀️ Find your people: Don't isolate yourselves! Connect with friends and other couples who are going through similar things. It can help you see your own problems in a new light and make your relationship even stronger.

  • 🎥 Real recognize reel: Beware of comparing your everyday life to the polished scenes on social media. Embrace the realness of your relationship and remember that every couple has their own challenges (even if they don't share them online).

And this, friend, is where the whole “love language” thing comes in. Robert and I hit a rough patch where it felt like we just couldn't see eye to eye, even though we were both genuinely trying to make the other feel loved and appreciated. It was like we were literally speaking different languages, which was a breakthrough when we realized it. 

I knew about love languages in theory, but this was when I really understood their importance. We learned that to truly connect and show our love, we had to adapt and express our affection in ways that worked for each other, not just in the ways that were easiest for us. Love means having to get out of your comfort zone, you know?

I love the saying "to be loved is to be seen." When you show love in your partner's preferred way (their love language), it communicates that you truly see and understand their needs and desires. It's a form of validating and recognizing their unique emotional makeup.

If you're looking to connect more deeply with your partner, I suggest finding out what their love language is and adapting your expressions of love accordingly. It could be a simple act of service (like making their morning coffee, or emptying the dishwasher), a thoughtful gift, or just hanging out together. Whatever it is, make sure it speaks to them!

The way my heart is melting…

So, this Valentine's, I'm feeling especially grateful to spend it at home in DC with Robert and our daughter, Bella. 🥰 And reflecting on our past has made these moments even sweeter. We recently captured this in a family photoshoot, showcasing our day-to-day joy—from playful dress-ups to Bella's hair routines—all beautifully shot by our trusted photographer, Antwon Maxwell.

Speaking of adapting, we decided to go the candid route with the photos. Bella is two and runs the show! In past shoots, I’d stress out about the moments we were "supposed" to capture. This time, I decided that in the spirit of the holiday, we would simply do the things that we do every day with love. We even got a sweet shot of Robert doing baby girl’s hair! (He struggled with it at first, but has since learned how to slay some pigtails.) Ironically, Bella was in the best mood we'd seen her for a family photoshoot. 😂

As for our Valentine's Day plans? Cozy and low-key. We're going to a nice jazz club, buying some Insomnia Cookies, and eating junk food while we watch a movie. With our busy schedules, this night will be a cherished pause. But don’t worry, we're already cooking up a mini-getaway to extend this us-time.

I'd love to hear from you too! How do you keep the spark alive, especially those of you who've navigated the long haul of marriage? Drop me your tips or share your plans for celebrating love this week, whether it's Valentine's or Galentine's Day.

In fact, send me a pic of you and your Valentine or Galentine, and I'll share it on my IG stories! Just make sure you share your username so I can tag you. I'd also love to hear how you met and how long you've been together.

Here’s to love, in all of its many forms. 💘

The red lippie I just can’t quit

❝

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.

Thomas Fuller

For Valentine’s Day, revisit that time our husbands entered the chat.

More news you can use

I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re enjoying these emails, here’s how you can continue to support this newsletter:

Until Next Time, 

The “This Just In” newsletter may have affiliate links included throughout the email, so if you buy through them, I get a small commission (at no extra cost to you!). I only recommend stuff I truly love, and if it's sponsored, I’ll disclose that it is a brand partnership. Thank you so much for your continued support.