Unsubscribing from who you used to be

Growth isn’t betrayal.

Author

Jeannette Reyes
May 01, 2025

Hey friend,

Imagine an entire room suddenly realizing they’ve been lied to (by themselves, to themselves). The collective sound was less of a gasp and more of a group exhale that realized it had been holding its breath for years.

I didn’t mean to cause a scene, but saying the quiet part out loud hits different. To set the stage, a few weeks ago I was participating as a guest in a live podcast recording of She’s So Lucky, hosted by Les Alfred, when I delivered what I knew was a powerful truth:

"You don't owe the old version of yourself a lifetime subscription."

In that moment, I realized I had touched a nerve— and exposed an invisible script that had been running silently in the background of people's lives. The chorus of snaps,  “mmm’s” and “yes girl!”  was immediate and visceral—a ripple of shock, followed by uncomfortable laughter, then furious note-taking. 📝

This line emerged from my struggle with evolution. For years, I felt trapped by my previous choices: the career I had built, the identity I had constructed, and the expectations I had established. Changing direction felt like betrayal, not just to others, but to my past self, because she had worked so hard.

The moment I finally gave myself permission to evolve beyond those self-imposed constraints was genuinely liberating. It wasn't about discarding my past; it was about honoring who I was becoming.

The Invisible Scripts Running Our Lives

That moment got me thinking about all the other "truths" we accept without question—beliefs that quietly dictate our choices and limit our possibilities without our conscious permission.

I call these "invisible scripts"—the unspoken rules and assumptions that operate beneath our awareness. They're not the beliefs we proudly declare; they're the ones so deeply embedded in our thinking that we don't recognize them as beliefs. We simply accept them as "the way things are."

Psychologists refer to these as "cognitive schemas." These mental frameworks organize our understanding of the world.

Research from the field of cognitive psychology shows these schemas act as powerful filters, causing us to notice information that confirms our existing beliefs while filtering out contradictory evidence.

Studies in the Introduction to Psychology textbook indicate that people consistently misremember information that contradicts their established worldview, reinforcing these invisible scripts without being aware of it.

The confirmation bias leads us to better remember information that aligns with our schemas while unconsciously distorting or forgetting details that challenge our existing beliefs.

These scripts don't exist in a vacuum:

  • 🌍 Cultural scripts dictate the appropriate life paths and milestones. In many Western cultures, there is an invisible script about linear progression (education, career, marriage, children) that occurs in a specific order and timeframe.

  • ⛪️ Religious teachings often become internalized as unquestionable truths about morality, purpose, and identity, shaping our sense of what constitutes a good and worthy life.

  • 🧑‍🧑‍🧒 Family patterns pass down beliefs about everything from money ("wealth is corrupting" or "financial struggle is noble") to relationships ("conflict must be avoided" or "love means sacrifice").

  • 🔍 Societal messages bombard us with narratives about success, beauty, worthiness, and belonging that we absorb without critical examination.

The Scripts That Limit Us

Here are some common invisible scripts that might be running in the background of your life:

  • 🪞 Identity Script: "I'm just not a creative person."

    • This belief stops many people from trying new forms of expression, often based on a single childhood experience or comparison.

  • 🏆 Achievement Script: "If I haven't mastered something quickly, I probably don't have natural talent for it."

    • This leads us to abandon pursuits at the first sign of difficulty, missing the growth that comes through persistence.

  • 👯‍♂️ Relationship Script: "Setting boundaries means being selfish."

    • This script keeps many people locked in patterns of overgiving and resentment, unable to create healthy relationships.

  • 🧭 Growth Script: "Changing direction means admitting the previous path was a waste."

    • This prevents evolution, keeping us committed to paths long after they stop serving us.

Recognizing Your Own Invisible Scripts

The trickiest part about invisible scripts is spotting them. Here are two powerful ways to bring them into the light:

  • 🫣 Notice your emotional triggers: When something provokes a strong reaction (like that collective gasp from the audience), it often means a core belief is being challenged.

  • 👀 Look for "should" statements: Whenever you think "I should..." or "People should...", there's usually an invisible script at work.

My Own Rewritten Script

For years, I believed changing directions meant admitting failure. To pivot was to concede that my previous choices were wrong. This kept me stuck in patterns long after they stopped serving me.

I remember the exact moment this script became visible to me. 

I was considering a new opportunity that excited me, but would require stepping away from the work I was known for. The resistance I felt wasn't about the new path—it was about what leaving the old path might say about me. Was I fickle? Uncommitted? Wasting my potential?

Rewriting that script to "Evolution is not betrayal—it's growth" freed me to make choices based on who I am becoming, not just who I've been.  

That's what I meant when I said, "You don't owe the older version of yourself a lifetime subscription." Your past self made the best decisions they could with the information they had at the time. But as you gain new insights, experiences, and wisdom, you earn the right to make new choices.

Your Turn

What invisible script might be holding you back? Listen for that internal gasp. That's where your growth is waiting.

Because the most powerful lies aren't the ones others tell us; they're the ones we tell ourselves without even knowing we're doing it.

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