The family health talk that could have saved me $30,000

Hey friend,

Core memory alert: Let’s take it back to when I was just fifteen years old, sitting in a doctor's office discussing whether I'd be able to have children someday. The gravity and weight of it all felt too heavy (and too early).  My peers were busying themselves worrying about typical teenage things, like homework assignments, learning how to drive, debating who to take to prom.

Yet here I was, considering a far-out future, one that could or could not exist, depending on what my practitioners could reveal about what was in the cards for me. 😵‍💫

Back then, something inside me just knew something wasn't right. That intuition would take me on a fifteen-year journey of dismissals, missed diagnoses, and eventually, a $30,000 fertility treatment that could have been avoided with a simple conversation.

As Women's History Month transitions into Infertility Awareness Month in April, I can’t help but see the interplay between these cultural observances. 

Women's progress throughout history isn't just about voting rights and workplace equality; it's also about our right to understand and advocate for our health. For generations, women's reproductive concerns were dismissed or silenced. The fight for women's health recognition is part of our collective history, and the silences passed down from mother to daughter can be just as impactful as the words spoken.

I recently shared my fertility journey on "Living Well" podcast. We covered everything from my PCOS diagnosis to IVF challenges and how I learned to advocate for myself when doctors dismissed my concerns. Give the podcast a listen if you can relate (or simply want to learn more!)

saying, "Everything is fine. You have plenty of time for this to be regulated." But my body continued sending signals for the next fifteen years. FIFTEEN YEARS, y'all! I would look at couples with children and wonder if I'd be able to have that biologically. That nagging concern never left me, even as I focused on my career and marriage.

The Diagnosis That Could Have Come Sooner

When I went to a new doctor as an adult, I told her, "I think I have PCOS"(Polycystic Ovary Syndrome)," referring to a common hormonal disorder that affects about 1 in 10 women of childbearing age.Her response? "No, I don't think so. You don't fit the profile."

But I insisted on testing anyway.

A week later: classic signs of PCOS, what they call the "ring of pearls," emerged on the ultrasound.

Here's the kicker: After my diagnosis, I learned that my mom had the same symptoms her entire life. She just never had a name for it. That simple piece of family history could have fast-tracked my diagnosis by years.

The $30,000 Lesson

When we were ready to start our family, we discovered our employer's insurance didn't cover fertility treatments. The cruel irony? My previous employer covered EVERYTHING:egg freezing, IVF, the works. Had I known earlier and taken action then, all of our fertility treatments would have been entirely covered. 😩

That decision ultimately cost us over $30,000 out of pocket.

After a failed IUI attempt, we moved to IVF, which thankfully worked on our first embryo transfer. But the financial strain was significant. That money could have gone toward my daughter Bella's education or our first home.

This is why I'm passionate about encouraging women to not just know their family health history but to understand how that knowledge affects their financial planning and career decisions, too.

The Genetic Legacy of Women's Health Conditions

Many reproductive health conditions follow genetic patterns that silently affect generations:

• If your mother has PCOS, you have a 50% chance of developing it yourself. It affects 15% of women of reproductive age.

• Women with a first-degree relative with endometriosis are 7-10 times more likely to develop it.

• If your mother had fibroids, your risk increases by about 3 times.

• BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes can increase breast cancer risk by up to 70%.

For generations, these conditions were dismissed as "normal women's problems." In the Victorian era, reproductive health issues were commonly attributed to "hysteria" rather than recognized as legitimate medical conditions. Each time you speak up about your symptoms, you help another woman recognize her own health patterns.

Your Self-Advocacy Toolkit

Ladies, medicine hasn't always taken women's concerns seriously. Here's what I learned:

• ✅Trust your instincts. If something feels off, keep pushing for answers.

• 🔍Do your research. Come to appointments prepared with specific symptoms and questions.

• 🙅🏽‍♀️Don't take the first "no." When my doctor dismissed PCOS, I insisted on testing.

• 🧬Get specific about family history. Ask your female relatives about their reproductive health.

• ⚕️Consider health benefits in job decisions. It could save you tens of thousands.

Starting Those Necessary Conversations

Try these simple starters:

• "Mom, what health conditions run in our family?"

• "Grandma, did you experience thyroid issues or irregular periods like I do?"

• "Could we make a quick family health tree together?"

Remember, men can be powerful allies in these conversations, too. My husband Robert was instrumental in supporting my PCOS journey, never minimizing my concerns when doctors did, researching treatment options, finding specialists who would listen, and advocating alongside me during appointments.

Partners can amplify our voices when we're dismissed, help track symptoms others might overlook, and provide the emotional support needed to persist when the medical system fails us.

Your Health Journey Matters

When we advocate for our health, we honor the women who fought for recognition before us. Speaking up when dismissed and insisting on proper care isn't just about your individual health—it helps all women receive better treatment.

As Women's History Month ends and Infertility Awareness Month begins, remember that your health journey is part of a larger story. 

My journey with PCOS eventually led to our beautiful daughter Bella, through IVF. The path wasn't easy, but the joy of holding her makes every difficult moment worthwhile.

So my challenge to you this month is to have that family health conversation. Ask the uncomfortable questions. Document what you learn.

Your future self will thank you — and so might your daughter someday.

JR

More news you can use

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Until Next Time, 

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