Balance is a scam (and I fell for it)

This wasn’t the plan.

Author

Jeannette Reyes
April 24, 2025

Hey friend,

I made a promise on air.

Standing before the cameras during my final broadcast, I declared with certainty: "I'm leaving to spend more time with my daughter." 

The words felt right in the moment. After years in news, entrepreneurship would finally give me the flexibility I craved as a mother.

Fast forward several months, and I find myself staring at my calendar in disbelief. Another week of back-to-back meetings. Another dinner missed. Another bedtime story read by someone else.

"Was I being dishonest?" I ask myself in quiet moments, not with my audience, but with myself. The guilt sits heavy, that particular brand of guilt that only seems to target mothers who work. It whispers that I've failed at the very thing I set out to do.

What I didn't understand then (and what I'm only beginning to grasp now) is that balance isn't something you achieve all at once. It's not a static state you reach and maintain. It's seasonal.

The Expert Take: Life as a Series of Trade-Offs

Emma Grede, co-founder and CEO of Good American, co-founder of SKIMS, and mother of four, frames it perfectly:

"The reality is that life is a series of trade-offs, and the quicker you become comfortable with that, the happier you will be."

What's powerful about Grede's perspective is that it removes the expectation of “having it all” at the same time. Instead, she suggests acknowledging these necessary trade-offs leads to more peace than constantly striving for perfect equilibrium.

Grede has also pointed out a critical double standard: women, particularly mothers, are constantly questioned about balance, while men rarely face the same scrutiny. Her husband, also a serial entrepreneur, is simply not asked how he "balances it all," yet she is constantly. 

This gendered expectation adds another layer of pressure and guilt that women must navigate.

Research from work-life experts, such as Stewart Friedman from Wharton, suggests that "work-life integration" is more realistic and sustainable than "work-life balance."

His studies show that attempting simultaneous balance creates more stress than acknowledging and planning for seasons of imbalance.

The Reality I Underestimated: Building Takes Time

When I pivoted careers, I severely underestimated what "building" truly means in entrepreneurship. 

 This season is intense and demanding, and it takes me away from my daughter more than I anticipated. But recognizing it as a season, not a permanent state, has been transformative.

Reframing Balance: Seasonal vs. Simultaneous

What if we stopped chasing daily balance and instead embraced seasonal balance?

  • 👷🏾‍♀️Building Seasons: Intense work focus, career advancement, laying foundations

  • 🧑‍🧑‍🧒Nurturing Seasons: Family-centered time, relationship deepening

  • 📝Learning Seasons: Personal growth, skill development

  • 😌Rest Seasons: Recovery, reflection, rejuvenation

The key insight is that these don't—and shouldn't—happen at the same time. Trying to build a business while being fully present as a parent, while also prioritizing self-care and personal growth? That's a recipe for feeling perpetually inadequate on all fronts.

Instead, what if we gave ourselves permission to lean into one season at a time, with the knowledge that other seasons will follow?

Practical Steps for Managing Seasonal Balance

Here's how I'm working to embrace seasonal balance and manage the guilt that comes with it:

  • Define your seasons: Map out your year with designated intensive periods: for me, that looks like Q1 and Q3 for business-building, summer, and December for family.

  • Create micro-balances: A sacred daily morning ritual with my daughter remains untouched regardless of work demands.

  • Communicate clearly: I explain to my family when I'm in a "building season" and when a "family season" is coming.

  • Set boundaries: Sundays remain work-free and dedicated to family, even in intense building periods.

  • Practice presence: When with my daughter, I'm fully present; phone away and laptop closed.

  • Build support: I have trusted childcare and relationships with other entrepreneur-parents who understand this journey.

  • Review regularly: Hold quarterly check-ins to evaluate if seasons need adjustments.

Creating Intentional Seasons (Not Endless Building)

To prevent the "building season" from stretching indefinitely:

  • Set transition metrics: Define business milestones, such as revenue targets and key hires, that signal when to shift to a more balanced season.

  • Block family time: I pre-book non-negotiable vacations and lighter work periods for the coming year.

  • Establish accountability: I shared my seasonal plan with my business mentor, who ensures I don't unnecessarily extend building phases.

  • Build scalable systems: Right now, I’m documenting processes and developing team capabilities to enable stepping back later.

  • Apply the 80/20 rule: I’m focusing on the 20% of efforts that deliver 80% of results, constantly evaluating what truly moves the needle.

Embracing Imperfect Balance

I wasn't being dishonest on that final broadcast; I was being incomplete. What I should have said was: "I'm leaving to build something that will eventually allow me more quality time with my daughter. The journey there won't be perfect, but the destination matters."

So, to the entrepreneur-mother feeling the weight of guilt: what season are you in right now? Name it. Honor it. And know that other seasons await.

Compelling characters &  unexpected twists. Great read!

My most popular top is back!

Twin, where have you been?

❝

The truth is, balance is bunk. It is an unattainable tightrope walk that women have been told they should aspire to. Life isn't about balance—it's about seasons.

Shonda Rhimes

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